Decided to remove my personal website dating from 2008 and added it up here.

The will to win, the desire to succeed, the urge to reach your full potential... these are the keys that will unlock the door to personal excellence.
Take care of your body as if you are going to live forever; and take care of your soul as if you were going to die tomorrow - St. Augustine

I've had money to the last cent deposited on my bank account which I asked for (not for me) twice, in 1997 and in 2005. Two witnesses by the by (both times one), my ex and my lawyer. Both times the money was meant for someone else, not a cent was kept. First time we didn't even had something to eat for ourselves, yet we spent no dime of it. Second time I used all money for bills to get what I needed for the other person, and the exact TOTAL ammount was deposited back one week later. In both cases, the sources where the money came from denied the deposit.

I've seen someone fall in 2013, and in that time I could do things/walk around and actually think what I should be doing to help this man. In other words; I had TIME, as if time for me was slow and for the man was just 'normal'. We know there are many dimensions, but this to me is irrefutable proof that you can 'travel' thru time. Somehow.

2014 Whatever/whoever it is in my home, this particular year I've seen it feeding my cat Poek. In 2015 they play a lot with the youngest one.
2018 Michaela is speaking with ? in the night. At least two nights I have heard and seen it.

Tibetan monk in 2005. Called me in the crowded city with an astonished look on his face, pointing 'you are very lucky'. I know I replied and went my way. He just caught me in a conversation with..
2016 second time, again a Tibetan monk. Of course not the same one. So weird. How can people have a conversation with each other without speaking. The understanding, calmness and serenity surprised us both. How can we from different faith systems connect so perfectly.

19 June 2016. Day of full energy, lightflashes and all, everything which contains a bit of energy went off. Climax between 23-24.00. Made pictures, house was full of lights. No idea why.

2006. I was in grief and walked into the librairy. A dark man immediately stood up from his chair, took my hand and gave me a book. He said, this is for you. It was Kalil Gibran's Mirrors of the Soul. I felt instant relief. Wish I had looked at the mans face, a stranger.

2006. The Greek. The homeless Greek. Long story. But even my friend who is no Christian, is convinced this man was an angel. The look in his eyes, the words out of his mouth. The time stood still when he spoke and his hair seemed silver. He wanted nothing, and had nothing. His last words were God is Great.

2014 I've seen 3 doors in the clouds. Feeding the birds you are used to them flying above your head. I looked up and then my eye caught these 3 huge doors in the sky and Im not talking about door shaped clouds.

2012 ~ In a moment of sadness surrounded by industrial property and hasty superficial car drivers a white bird, tiny, white with sparkles like when the sun shines upon snow, like a small king, a feathered angel, appeared in front of me out of the blue and sat on a branch. Till this very day I have not found which bird this could have been. It lifted my mood as it showed that even amidst darkness, a miracle even tiny, can appear and not all is lost - have trust.

2018 My favorite beautiful tiny plate.. had it for years, already had cracks. All of a sudden I noticed TWO of them. One was brand new. I did not buy it, where did it come from. When getting used to having two of these plates... the old one had dissapeared!!! Materialism like with the money in 1997 and 2005. But on a whole other level. It reminds me of Don Poek and Michaela, the exchange. This is beyond, and utterly destroys my point of view that God needs something to create something, like he needed dust to make a man. He can create something out of completely NOTHING.

The continuous scent of fresh roses from the late months of 2018, inside or outside the house, is still present in 2019.

1998 Bit reluctant to share the story, but here it goes. A superficial girl at work annoyed me for a time as she was a real copycat. And a lot of envy. That friday before going home as she was bragging once again about going out with her perfect boyfriend I wished an accident would befall upon her so she would learn about priorities in life. Like a car accident in which her face would be scarred. Only so she would become beautiful inside first. After the weekend she did not show up at work. The next day also not. I knew .. I just knew. After a few days I had to ask, else it would be strange that I did not ask where she was. My employer told me she had been in an car accident and that she flee with her face thru the window. She came later at work, weeks later. Scars on her face. Crying that her boyfriend left her because he was only interested in her appearance. I knew wounds would heal and that what she would learn was of great value. Such as.. humbleness.

1994 Foretell dream. Was getting ready, like David against Goliath. In the dream I was warned not to use the fire (aka the stone), but to use water, else it would be used against me. The next day I was surrounded by fire - thank God I had the water with me. Like the car accident this is one incident in which no real harm is done and the main goal was a lesson. Tough love extrema.

My love life, or lack of, is a story on its own surrounded by many foretell dreams and such, like walking on a magical cord amidst a dark reality. A frame without a picture.

1996 ~ Justifiable rage (forgot which year exactly, think it was ’96). I was asked by X to join her at least once at her church service. I did. But when I came inside the building I felt I was getting angry. When the service began, I felt as if I was on fire and when the women started singing it felt as if demons were attacking my ears. I cursed and ran out of the church as I excused myself to X while crying as X came after me. I was so ashamed that I could not control my behaviour at times. Later we found out the church was rated number 1 on the list of dangerous cults.

In 2006 I had a dream about the Machu Picchu. I wrote a poem about it and was seeking an image to publish next to it. Instead I found another poem from a native warrior. After 1 year I sent him (turned out to be an Aztlan warrior) a letter introducing myself as the dream and his poem didn't leave my mind. Via him, I met a greater spiritual person (a mother earth warrior) named Coyote, part Cherokee/French. We were like one, albeit so far away - we met in a dream once (astral travel? seems so unreal, but we were both there..) and he would often send me letters with advice about things that were actually taking place in my life and he could not have known off.
James Anderson Coyote, my spiritual brother in Christ, my friend.
One evening he was praying for me and when he opened his eyes again he found a ravens feather in front of him. He sent it to me as he believed it was meant for me, I still have it and carry it with me when I travel.

Dream when I was a child ~ dreaming of a rainbow waterfall in the clouds

This dream occurred when I was a small child. I dreamed that I was on a day out with the school, all children were there. We were walking among hills and I enjoyed nature while the other kids were playing around and talking. At some point I isolated myself from the others by climbing on a big hill while my eyes captured the most beautiful thing I have ever seen in my dreams – it was magical. In the air there was a huge cloud, heart shaped. In the middle of the heart water fell down and the water had the colors of the rainbow. I felt as I had been looking at it for ages when I woke up, the whole dream I had been gazing at this magnificent sight.

2008 ~ Compassion, Gods pink napkin

As if I was flying invisible over the world, I saw various sceneries. At some point I was flying amidst clouds, then the forests, then next to some creek where shaolins in orange clothing as monks jumped out all at the same time out of the water as if they all caught something in the air, separately. Then all of a sudden, I was in the universe among stars and watched how an old friendly bold headed man, in monk robe like Lao Tzu picked up the oceans and green from the globe, mother earth and pulled it as if it was some blanket. He pulled it towards him smiling softly and wrapped it up, it became smaller and smaller and the blanket became a pink napkin. When he closed his hands with the napkin in it, he again opened it and the pink napkin turned into a pink butterfly and flew away. It was compassion.

2004 ~ Stepping out of a dream

I was at my mothers house. When I came in, the door opened itself, lights turned on, music started to play, as if the universe followed my steps and invited me, embraced me. Suddenly I was attacked by my sister (no, we have no arguments) and she tried to strangle me by choking me. But it was not her, it was as if she was possessed. I felt a huge strong force, and then I laughed. I looked with the corner of my eye and saw the front door open, but no one was there in the darkness. But I felt a presence. I laughed and said, I am stronger than you. I said, watch me. I opened my eyes, still laughing and said while being awake, having pulled myself from that dream: you see, I am stronger than you.

2005 ~ Dream of angel Gabriel

I asked God to speak to Gabriel. In my dream, Gabriel came and we spoke, well, he spoke I listened for many hours. It was a long night and he did not gave me the answers I wanted to hear. After waking up, I ran to the bathroom as I wanted to throw up. He announced a loss. What is interesting is that before I felt asleep, deep into this dream, I was awoken by a flash of light in the room. No car passed by or so. Then I fell asleep, and then this conversation that felt as if it took ages took place.
1994 ~ Visit from a dead friend

He committed suicide. I did not know his mental state of mind, he had hidden it from me and we were young. He was always helpful and cheerful, I loved him very much as a friend. He was Italian, but did not believe in God. When I visited his grave alone, I layed roses at his grave, a big bouquet with symbolic meanings – friendship, love, peace and a card with angels on it – even though he did not believe. I cried for days. Where will he end up I asked myself. That night I cried myself to sleep. In the dream, he came to me out of a white, soft light and we were surrounded by this – white peaceful light. He came to me, took me in his arms and hugged me. I felt my tear rolling down his cheek as we hugged so firmly. He said, it’s good here while smiling. Then I woke up, with a feeling of peace.

2005 ~ Dream of the bloody bride

In the dream I was looking at a bride running from her chasers, men who wanted to kill her. At first she ran beside a pool, then she was running up and down hills, running to the highest mountain. Then she stopped. As if I was standing next to her while before I was looking at it as from above, she looked at me. Then she turned around, and I saw that her whole beautiful white gown from the back was all red. She was stabbed in the back several times and the blood had made the whole back red. The men then approached, and she looked at me for a second, then spread her arms, face towards the men, she let herself fall off the mountain into the ocean beneath, she jumped towards her own death. When her body hit the water, the whole ocean turned all red.

1998 ~ Dreaming of Hell cause of a Sin

I was a young girl when I had this dream, if I recall. I was like most young women into my looks, went every week to the solar to get a tan and so on. There was an action in a store in which you could buy gold very cheap. I bought jewelry every week and every week I was spending money to get jewelry repaired. I was in a gold frenzy. Until that dream. In this dream I was walking into some kind of cave, it was dark, many entrances. In the middle there was the devil, a dark long figure, hairy, thin, it grabbed me and I wanted to escape and started to push but he hold on to me tight. With one of his hairy long dark arms he held mine firmly, so I bit him in the arm in my attempt to get loose. His flesh was soft so I had bitten a piece of his arm which immediately started to rot in my mouth and turned into worms. I was disgusted by this smell and feeling in my mouth that I started to throw up, while he let loose. I was throwing up jewelry. Then I woke up and knew that I was a sinner although I convinced myself I was just liking those things. It was the last piece of gold jewelry I ever bought for myself (1998..)

1999 ~ Dream of seven years

It was November 1999 and I dreamed that I was in my old parents house in my old bedroom. No one beside me was there, all lights I had turned off as there were seven tall men in the garden and walking around the house. I was slightly afraid and looked carefully behind the curtain of my window. Then I decided to confront my fear, was impatient to wait any longer in the dark. I went downstairs and opened the back door. While I opened the door I was stabbed in the hand seven times. I drew my hand back and saw seven wounds, seven cuts, bleeding. Then a hand from the man outside who waited behind that door stepped forwards and laid his hand on mine. He caressed the hand with his and I saw the seven wounds healing and disappearing. I wanted to see the face of this man, this shadow in garment who had healed my hand – but then I woke up.

2005 ~ of Jesus on the Cross

It was a hard time. That night I dreamed of being hanged on the cross, I was hit in the face many times with a whip and felt the blood dripping from my face. It did not hurt, only the heart ached. In the corner of my eye I saw another man hanging. I lifted slowely my head and looked at my right side and saw Jesus hanging on his cross next to me. He looked at me, his eyes were peaceful, mild white light around him, blood on his face, head and hands, he smiled, then bended his head down and died. He died peacefully, the pain was nothing compared to the love that dominated, silent suffering – not for himself, but for them, as they did not know what they were doing. Out of love we endure all. It's obvious that Jesus knew exactly why he was dying. And his last words could have never been 'father why have you forsaken me'!

Foretell dreams. This is my favorite one.

Think it was 2006, could be 2005 too. Someone was lost out of my sight. I needed to know what was going on – thus asked the Lord to explain to me what was going on. I dreamed that night a naked peacock. I was walking on the hills and found feathers of a peacock all around me. Then I looked for the peacock and saw him naked standing on a distance. He was shy and his head was bowed – he was ashamed. I started to pick up the feathers and when I collected them all, I walked towards the peacock and placed them all in front on him, not looking at him directly but in the corner of my eye, I saw that he was grateful. When I woke up, I knew. It was pride. I had hurt the pride of this person. It was such a big force in this person that those feathers really mattered. The wise though knows - it’s not only feathers that make fine birds.

2006 ~ Machu Picchu

The next day I found out that this place is called the Machu Picchu in Peru. I was standing there at that mountain and the clouds surrounding me contained little lights, in soft colors. Yellow, green, blue, pink, white, orange, they danced in these clouds around – and above me. When I stepped towards a cloud in front of me and wanted to touch it, the lights clinked all together in that cloud and I reached out to touch it but they would not let me touch them as if they were only playing.

2007 ~ A church in Croatia

There are always 4 places where I return in dreams. The first is the mountains, then the woods, then the parental home (my mothers house), and last one a church. In a former dream I wanted to grab a snack, so I went in my dream deliberately to this place where I knew I was before and could eat. It was the church, it has become a known place for me in my dreams. Can you imagine falling asleep, dreaming about being hungry and returning to a place of where you know you had been sitting before/dreamed before and going inside sitting on the same table just to eat. In one dream I was once again in the church. It was dark and I went inside passing a big statue. It is the church in Split (Croatia-Dalmatia)and the statue is Gregory of Nin.

I went inside to get me 2 charms, to protect two friends (well, for one sinner and one relative although they seemed to be for me somehow) against something – don’t know what anymore.
I have thought long and hard about this, but when I die, I want no grave since the world knows human waste that desecrate graves. I want to be burned and my ashes to be thrown on the Dalmatian soil, Split in particular, (half in the mountains, half in the sea) the holy ground of which the soil is soaked with the blood of christian martyrs. The biggest persecution on christians ever in history took place in Split, during the reign of Dioklecijan.

another recurring dream is one on which I swing on a single rope. The rope is in heaven, and in the dream I don’t look up or think about the fact that it’s weird to have a rope as a vessel. With it I cross the ocean, visit relatives and escape enemies. By a single jump high in the air holding on the rope and then coming down miles away walking on walls

2008 ~ Struck and followed by lightening

It was dark outside, a tremendous power in the air, a powerful strong lightening that I never have seen before. The lightening, as if all the power in the universe where combined in it, struck me and I tried to get away from it but it followed me. I tried to run to a really big tree in the hope it would struck the tree but there was no escape, no matter where I tried to run to. It was as if I was some magnetism and it was drawn to me. Looking behind, I saw that everywhere I had walked, the magnetic lightening helixes were following me just like when oil is fueled and the fire walks its path. When I looked behind me at some point again, I saw that everywhere I had walked, was burning, a sea of flames was chasing me and the sea of flames had a face, as if it was lead. It was not a scary dream, it was a powerful dream and I felt as if it was a competition of forces.



One night dreamed I was a dark blue jaguar with golden nails. I would run thru the jungle, so hard. The next morning I had lost all the rage I felt the day before.

I would always have nightmares about sharks. They would eat everybody around me and then swin towards me, before I woke up.
One night I decided to confront my fear and let the shark come towards me. He did not eat me, he swam beside me, I held on to his fin and we swam together. That was the last nightmare I had about sharks.

Vision during meditation. A leaf of a green plant, sharp edges. My finger was cut because of the sharpness, the blood dripped from the leaf – small nice beautiful red drops of blood fell on the ground and then flew in the air. I focused on these drops that clinked together and then formed a red lotus - which opened. And then fell apart – and again the red blood balls – drops clinked together and a red lotus was formed and opened his leafs. Have been lookin at it for a while – and then it was gone. Lotus of blood

Majority poems got lost over the years. You know how it goes when you save it on usb-sticks or like in the past, on disks over and over again.
Most poems were written around 2007
Bit of dark perhaps, eccentric/artistic I'd say myself.



Aimlessly wondering - bathing in disgrace
Sold their souls to pleasure, no dignity remained.
The flock, the sheep, awaiting to get devoured
the helpless ignorant mass - living their final hours,
Their weights crushed by responsibility ignored
For in last days of judgment – they all shall taste the sword.


Red Rose (sent to an Irish soldier once)

Oh ye brave men, scattered around the globe
How I crave for this delight
The moment in which we all walk together
To enter the final fight.
I can hear all their hearts beating,
as loud as Thor’s thunder.
Thus, courageous soldier
Let not alone my letters follow you,
wherever thoust might be,
For see the warmth of the sun as my extended arms,
when the sunbeam shines upon thee.
For as God shaped man in His likeness,
The blood debt shall be repaid
Tyranny, corruption, deceit and confusion
Cutting with a sharp blade the veil of disillusion
The ancient war – the time is now
The endless line drawn in the sand
Blood for Blood - by Jesus’s hand.


The Case of Discipline

Oh but we have needs they say
We all have basic human desires.
Don’t be a spineless chunk
and wisely use the powerful svadhisthana chakra.
Don’t be like sleezy douchebags
jumping in each others bed,
work out instead!


The Ancient Call

Prone to extremes am I
Satisfied with only the best
The best healer, the best combatant, the best poet
The best of the best with no place for the rest.
I am a lover, but it’s not love that bonds me
I am a fighter, I strive for devotion and loyalty
For the sword must be molded in fire and thunder
in trials and tribulations, a pure and ultimate force
I call upon the four elements and stand before the four winds
a natural intoxication of knowledge and energy unified
I like Gods legion to be amused as well when the kingdoms fall
When we wash our feet in the blood of the wicked
I want them to attack in fury, merciless and full of wit
before the ancient winds will whisper in their ears
"Come back holding your shield or being carried upon it!"


Black Consumption

Satan was thrown out of Heaven because of his pride
Many are jailed because they were blinded by pride
Justifiable pride comes not out of love for thyself but for others
Like a mothers pride when her child learns well
So there are two different sources where pride comes out off
Be aware of which one you have – the wrong one consumes you,
And will throw you out of Heaven too



Een slechte tegenstander is een aanval op je intellect.
Het toont van geen enkel respect
Hoe wil je een mens analyseren die zijn mentale condities beheersen kan
Die je beter kent dan jij jezelf.
Die weet dat hij altijd op het toneel staat,
omdat de wereld toekijkt of hij door het ijs zal zakken
Hoe wil je plannen smeden in het geniep
Als de ander ze in zijn dromen ziet.
Hoe wil je de ziel uit de mens halen.
Dat lukt je niet.



Knives and guns are merely tools
our spirit is our weapon our belief is our shield
if I choose to die for any country
only Croatia would be the One.
Hard lessons – but understood
raised how each parent should
A Father in Heaven
A Mother on Earth
Family – a Guide.
Croat blood – with Pride


Finis erit, prima Fuit

The devoted love of Penelope awaiting Oddyseus
Samsons love for Delilah
Real love knows no limits, no boundries,
Its unconditional. Its Divine.
It waits and gives. Hopes.
Remains in faith against all odds.
When one loves with a pure love that succeeds petty emotions,
the love looses its impatience,
selfishness and expectations.


Damocles and Pandora meet Deus ex Machina

I have a curse that needs to be lifted
A therapist will blame it on childhood
A psychic will talk about bad karma and what I did wrong in a past life
A priest will tell me to pray and repent my sins
A drunk will tell me to raise a glass until I forget about it
Therefore chose your friends carefuly.
narrow minds, will give narrow opinions
Hateful minds, will give hateful speeches
None will lift you up, but drag you down in their sorrow
Now I say, this was just a moment of weakness,
for yes there is a curse
but just like with every great gift comes a lot of responsibility
I stick by Aristophanes’s side..
just wait for the plot twist


Changing Seasons

Years are passing by
wrinkles are forming around the eyes
my black cat's whiskers turning white
sending prayers by candlelight
There is no cure for the occassional loneliness
and as long as I remember,
no remedy for December.


Groundhog Day

Elke keer een stukje verder zwemmen
op dat stukje hout, zo oud
en wanneer dan de kust in zicht is,
pakken donkere wolken zich samen,
gaat het onweren en hagelen
en sleept de woeste zee je weer terug
De dag breekt aan de zon schijnt
en je gaat weer zwemmen vol goede moed
Soms kom je een drenkeling tegen
je biedt een stuk van je hout aan en samen zwem je verder
je denkt, als ik nu rust kan jij zwemmen
en andersom, zo komen we er wel
maar het was geen mens, het was een meerman
die zich vermaakte om je leed
en toen hij uitgelachen was, weer terug in de diepte gleed
En wanneer dan de vermoeidheid zijn tol eiste
het lied van de sirenes zo lieflijk klonk
De zon tot hallucinaties zorgdroeg en je van de zoute zee dronk
langzaam het water je longen vult
is daar een stuk hout, die plotsklaps uit de hemelen valt

Koor: Maar bekijk het van de zonnige kant!
Je zwemt in de zee, maakt dingen mee. Wat een genot!
Niet klagen maar dragen niet klagen maar dragen niet klagen maar dragen niet klagen maar dragen



They don’t talk to you but about you
good or right, does not matter
Lonesome my Father must be
when they speak of him in sheer vanity
Only in their darkest moments
they remember his name.


When you are close but still too far,
It does not matter where, but who you are.



like a lioness in a cage
the wall so tall
a little bite
a little blood
a little lick
a little bit to satisfy the thirst
alas one drop will release the beast
it's a pigeon anyway

Whoever you are, wherever you are, hope you don't mind me sharing this. These are gems (I believe from 2008). I learned a lot since then; you can't turn marshmellows into steel and don't put people on a pedestal. 

Observance of old ancient days
Reveals the pattern more
That victors conquer not with peace
Just fire and sword and war

Then destiny calls, leads to the fight
Enchanted, the fighter does seek
A Master to guide your spirit on
Listen well and hear now wisdom speak

As you start to feel that fire inside
Ignited by this spark
It kindles then bursts into a flame
Radiant light amidst the dark

Imagine now a perfect sword
Each thrust to penetrate
Deep inside each enemy's heart
And rid them to their fate


Well now Virginia the writer was I
It came naturally, so please don’t ask me why
If it should please you and bring out a smile
My mission’s accomplished - at least for a while

Your comrade’s prose, to read it was nice
Especially the mention of self-sacrifice
A commando indeed, amazing to know
As I was myself, a few years ago…

And so into battle you must fearlessly ride
A warrior true, with more by your side
An increasing strength, a wondrous delight
A spirit, shield, sword… to win every fight

And then comes a dream so clear in your mind
Of that which you sought and yearned hard to find
A sense of security, comfort and trust
Intuition desires you want more so you must

Listen to the words, from one once like you
A creator, a contributor, a warrior too
Unrelenting will, such powerful attraction
A Master to lead the blind crowd into action

Dear Virginia,

I've signed up here anonymously to send you this message. These words you can see are as true as your eyes can focus on them right now.

I'm a veteran of the Homeland War and I'm pro-Gotovina.

For one who can recognise true spirit, to see it, sense it and feel it in another, is a treasure, refreshing, re-energising, and so compelling.

I don't agree with your ideology, however I recognise and respect you have an immense spirit. It radiates from your photos and words as clear as a big brilliant flash of lightening. You've got something special most people haven't got, will never have, and will never understand. It's where your drive and energy comes from, your perception, wisdom and discernment, motivation, power and physical strength.

You would have been a valuable and reliable asset in my unit in defense of Croatia.

As I said, I disagree with your belief system, which is your choice, though that does not detract from what I have observed of your nature and your nature is pre-destined to take you to great things.

I leave you with wise words from one of similar spirit:

Learn and keep learning. Develop and follow your intuition. Find the right path - and stick to it.

Strength to you.


I wear a wedding ring for the same reason (useless pervs) Joan of Arc started to wear pants, which by the by, eventually led to her death.

We can find enough great examples of single peeps in the bible. Jesus doesn't count, he was superspecial. So; Mary Magdalene, Mary and Martha, Lazarus,  Jeremiah and Elijah etc.. Elijah is my fav one, he was fed by ravens and hilariously sarcastic to the demon worshipping turds. Plus he made use of the elements (wind, fire). His sarcasm always comes to mind when my muslim neighbour who watched porn with curtains open so all kids could see outside, raises his voice to kids and wife and lies to my landlord summons his demon daily. What kind of god is yours suppose to be you perverted cockroach?

God has humor.

Example one. 
I prayed all week every evening for something else. And all prayers were answered. When Sunday arrived I thought of how all prayers were answered like a wishing well and started to think, oh what do I want now? I opened the book, a habit in which I randomly open the book and point my finger to a sentence, and then look. There was written.. it's now time to say THANKS.

Example two.
All prayers get answered - well, not all but these get resolved differently. Anyway, I asked God, look, I don't ask for much. I only want a Ducati. I could see myself driving a black devil in the night, dressed in black leather for the cold, black snake boots because it seemed fitting, a whip, a karambit and a kali stick with me to visit paedophiles and bring a can of whoopass. His answer was; you won't get the money because you will spend it on things you don't need. WELL YEAH I don't need it but Jesus.. anyway, so no Ducati for me. Bummer.
No French legion for me either, when I decided to join I found out you can't when you are a woman. There were so many options but life excluded me from them, there was nothing I could do, God wants me on this different path where I feel useless at times. He gives me a spirit of fire and then wants me to behave like water.  

Angel after Prayer

2008 ~ I've seen an angel (Split, Podstrana) after request in prayer (I was afraid), a huge white serene feature, medium long hair, 'dress', male, bare feet, that covered me with its huge wings. Years after a picture was made of the room. Where the angel stood a blue glow was shown.

As soon as I realised that what I afraid was from wasn't something I could confront as it was not from this planet, I had asked specifically and directly to God to send help/an angel. The fear was replaced by intense serenity when within a second, this white angelic figure stood in the room. It came towards me, sat on my bed and bowed, covering me with its wings. It was the last time I was afraid, now God only I "fear".

Split is a very special city. The soil is soaked with blood of the saints. The biggest persecutions ever in history against Christians took place there.

Butterflies of Hope

September 2013 - butterfly flied in when I lost hope. Week later another butterfly at work, open window on 3d floor in the city. Since then many butterflies came along. Posing for pictures.

Always in Good Company

Had asked one of my colleagues from when I worked at a medieval themed restaurant to share her sandwich

Discovering Manna

One day I was writing an Christian article about drugs. I felt blocked when mentioning a variety of drugs so I stopped writing. The next morning going to work I spot this thing on a hill coming out of the grass catching my eye. What is it that grows in one night? A mushroom.. In the evening before writing again the bible fell open on the page about manna. And then I knew why I saw the mushroom earlier that day.

Everything (well.. no everything) God does is a natural process that is created with a godly spark. The human was made out of dirt (Genesis), manna was created from nature and instructed by God to eat. In Exodus we can see very clearly what happended: the birds leave the poop on the soil, in one night the bread grew and God (dew) came in a cloud. If God had not shown me the mushroom and let the bible fell open on the page I would have never imagined.

Exodus 16 > the LORD unto Moses, Behold, I will rain bread from heaven for you > And it came to pass, that at even the quails came up, and covered the camp: and in the morning the dew lay round about the host. And when the dew that lay was gone up, behold, upon the face of the wilderness there lay a small round thing, as small as the hoar frost on the ground...

Before you run off getting some mushrooms, this item was replaced by the Holy Spirit.

Company while in Prayer

2009 ~ requested company after prayer (I was 'depressed') in Wallonia.

I went for this walk (see also pic underneath this text) and asked God or his angels to accompany me. Depression fell upon me hard as I was confronted with earthly things; someone who had everything, many friends, money and property, overall success. And I, getting older, still had 'nothing'. He asked me 1 question only. He said, would you trade everything the person has for what you have?
I immediately said no and understood. Because these things were all worldly, and none had faith. So quickly the depression was gone and I started to enjoy the walk.

As I was walking and talking I found this little church and felt the need to go inside. Inside, I felt the need to sit down but I was afraid I would break the chair so didn't. When I came home, only then I noticed that where my feelings were the strongest in that conversation, the lights are shown on the pics. I might not have material things, but I gave my last sandwich when I had nothing myself to a homeless who was hungry and ashamed to ask; example. So what do you think has more worth?

Split City of Saints

1980 Nun school in Croatia. Pic right is Grgur Ninski, who took a stand against the church as he wanted the people to be able to read the bible in their own language.

Never Alone

2012 ~ (visible) company after request prayer in 2012. Someone wanted to visit haunted houses to make pictures. I said, those are demons. Come to me and I'll show you good spirits (no not the dead!) for your pictures.
I don't think we stopped taking these sort of pics since then
Calling upon spirits is babylonian bullshit and invites assholes. But with faith as a mustard seed you can move mountains.

Ezekiel 1:16 This was the appearance and structure of the wheels: They sparkled like topaz...Each appeared to be made like a wheel intersecting a wheel.
Ezekiel 1:18 Their rims were high and awesome, and all four rims were full of eyes all around.
Ezekiel 1:20 Wherever the spirit would go, they would go, and the wheels would rise along with them, because the spirit of the living creatures was in the wheels.

Gift from God

1997 Birth of my son. When I was young I knew I would give birth to a boy with blond hair and blue eyes. Hence in his birthcard I had added the text 'predestined, so he came'. Long before it was official the baby would be a boy, I had enlisted him at a daycare center (you had to reserve a place beforehand) with his full name. I cried when I heard I was pregnant, from the hospital to the way home, and fell on my knees at home thanking God for this wonderful gift.

Grew up by the sea, under the sun

A few favorite memories of mine:

* the first time I saw the structure of a snowflake was in Austria
* I caught a seahorse when we were swimming in deep water (Croatia)
* every single morning very early, dolphins jumped out of the sea.
* I would put blackberries on thin sticks or whatever I found in the mountains and mum would make jam from it
* seeking pine cones and putting them in a bag - in the winter deep in the mountains while water was coming from the mountain, so fairy-tale like. Dad was chopping wood
* seeking gnomes in a forest in Austria my parents and grandmum had hidden
* selling figs on the beach as a kid
* age 7, becoming Tito's pioneer. Yeah it was commie Yugoslavia, but I don't remember the commie side. I remember loyalty towards the country and God.
* the many arguments with the nuns cause I had no patience

mum with friends

stepdad entertaining my son when he was small

dad motivated me for martial arts

Doll house mum made. Mum motivated me into reading books, crafing, baking, cooking etc

My Son

He has 3 first names, one of them means bear, another one means lion (French pronouncing) (+ of course one traditional Christian name)
I read the bible to him every evening, took him to the librairy every wednesday for 2 hours where we read books before taking him to martial arts class.


(on picture angels playing with Mika) Joined the family Friday 13 March 2015. We met a week before, she was calling me while I was refilling the bird feeders on the balcony. She continued to call every day so after it was clear she had no 'owner' I invited her in. I gave her the name Michaela, feminine of Michael meaning gift from God. Because she came a day after a specific prayer. This was the first time in my life I was angry at God, she being so sweet and the female version on Don Poek. I felt he wanted to give me her so I would forgive him for taking D.P., I mean, he can do everything so he could prolong D.P.'s life too if he wanted. Someone tossed Mika out like garbage, I found her toys and things a few doors away. But she was meant to be with us so all good. The devil will take care of the dumpers. 

The first thing she did when she came into my house was walking straight to the bedroom, jumped on the bed and fell asleep on it. Don Poek also on the bed had big eyes, like what the fuck is this, hahaha. 

Don Poek

In Loving Memory of my Son, best Friend, Family member and Angel ~my better half 1996 - 2015
Died 13 November 2015, burried 16 November along with a piece of my soul. Don Poek was given a short time to live. I prayed intensly, and in the evening in which I intensified my prayer a light showed up that has not left D.P. for seven months. Until the day that it was his time to go. He went to get his wings and seek us the best bed to sleep in so we can watch birds together when I join him.
After Prayer his guardian was visibly present for 7 months. After another Prayer, Michaela joined the household, she practically knocked on the door the next day.

Prayer on top of mountain 2016

Everytime I am home, I climb the mountain at 4 so I can see the sun rise at 6. Alone time with God in prayer, before looking at the wonderful land God created, looking down at the sea, surrounded by nature.

Listening to the rain

Mika and Noa Piccolo the snail

Don Poek Facebook

Don Poek had his own Facebook account. Now Mika's account

A bird, of which an ornithologist whome I spoke to later that year declared an adult bird, came to my balcony on a hot summer day. I was watering plants in my miniature garden and then myself. The bird set on a branch and I could tell he wanted too.

So I invited him and he came to me. Had a bath, dinner, slept in a box on the balcony and left after breakfast in the morning.

A lot of animals this year in 2018 again. This was a wounded butterfly at work which I took home to recover in my tiny garden surrounded by fruit, water, shelter. He stayed for the night and flew away the next day.

When days later a grasshopper arrived missing a front leg I had to send him on his way. I can't give you a new leg man, I don't know who has been telling that but can't do. I remember a few years ago I heard a strange high noise amidst all other noises. I searched in every corner of the building and found 2 tiny crickets. One was screaming for his friend, who's tiny legs were caught up in a dust web. He could not move. How sweet is it, that his friend calls out for help. Gently I removed the dust, and the two went on their way. Cutest thing ever.

On my bucket list was to build a fort with toilet paper rolls. My son did this for my birthday hehehe

Always Busy, Always in Good Company

Friends gave me the nickname Ant. I like ants. I watched an ant mourn his friend for over 2 hours in 2017 in Croatia. 
Proverbs 6:6 Go to the ant, thou sluggard; consider her ways, and be wise

Cooking Audience

Find my kitchen crafts here

Crafting Audience

Find my Etsy shop here

Prayer Audience

© 2010-2019 Milites Christi. All rights reserved.

Email: info @ Don't get any ideas, you have to pull your own weight.


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